ARE YOU A FLEET OR A STANLEY? (or even a Wadsworth?)
Which of the South Solitary menfolk is most like you – or your fella?
Are you the roguish charmer or the brooding loner? Perhaps you’re neither of these, you’re the curmudgeonly old fuddy-duddy? Or perhaps you’re Reef Ireland, in which case you have nothing to worry about. Do this quick quiz and find out once and for all!
nb. For greatest accuracy of results, it is helpful to have watched the film 30-35 times.
1. Which line might you use when wooing?
a) Gee, you’re a sight for sore eyes in that dressing gown. Is that satin?
b) I don’t need company like you do. I’m better off without it.
c) Go to bed. You’re too old to behave like a schoolgirl. It doesn’t become you.
d) Excuse me, Miss. Have you used your bath yet?
2. To show someone you like them, do you:
a) bring your dimples into play as much as possible.
b) stare smoulderingly at them whilst hanging out your longjohns.
c) pull out all her knitting, whilst harumphing.
3. Is marriage a hindrance to extra-curricular activities?
a) No. Not if your wife is not affectionate.
b) I can’t do it, you see. I can’t seem to be with people.
c) I had thought that other business a momentary lapse, an aberration – but now I see that it’s you, the sort of person you are – a person completely without honour!
d) There’s one in our front parlour, sir.
4. What is your favourite song?
a) Hello, hello, who’s your lady friend?
b) a Welsh hymn. Actually, come to think of it, you don’t know any hymns.
c) God Save the King.
d) There’s a Place in France*
5. What outfit best becomes you?
a) a rather lairy yellow and brown jumper which Alma knitted you from a pattern she found in the Ladies Home Journal.
b) an original hand-knitted garnsey teamed with battered old jacket from the merchant navy.
c) bespoke lighthouse keeper’s jacket, with self-devised merit badges.
d) matching lairy jumper to your stepdad’s, but in green and brown. Best worn with braces over.
* There’s a place in France
Where the ladies wear no pants
But the boys don’t care
‘Cause they like to see them bare
There’s a place in France
Where the naked ladies dance
There’s a hole in the wall
Where the boys can see it all etc etc
How Did You Score?
Mostly A’s: You’re Stanley, the pantsman! Ladies, beware….
Mostly B’s: You’re Fleet, the brooding loner. Don’t worry – women find this appealing.
Mostly C’s: You’re destined to be a confirmed bachelor. You will find great solace in knitting.
Mostly D’s: You should be concentrating on your school work, and not bothering with this nonsense.
Note: If you scored equal A’s and B’s, then you are completely perfect and should send all your details at once to firstname.lastname@example.org